Session 35: Cornerio: Dinner with a Vampire


 * Cornerio receives a letter informing him of legal troubles re: the gnome whose daughter he hit on back in Fairhaven (Shivatari). He also receives an invitation from Imogen Glain (head of the Roland Legault fanclub) to her summer home and decides this would be a good escape.
 * He and his driver Brian the dwarf pull over in an area just off the road for the night.
 * During his watch, Cornerio climbs up on the cart to look around. He hears boots hitting rock--then sees 2 scrawny looking humans trying to sneak up. Corn calls out to them and they go around the corner. He wakes up his driver and tries to get him to help, but he says he'll just keep an eye out.
 * Brian: "Be careful." Corn: "I'm pretty good at that."
 * Cornerio starts building up the fire to get more light. An arrow barely misses him; Brian hides in the tent. He lights a torch and chucks it where the sound came from. He can't see whoever shot the arrow.
 * Cornerio sneaks around toward the stream, hears something up on the rocks. He starts climbing up and sees an elven man with a bow looking for him. Cornerio grapples him, then he yells for help and Corn sees 2 ratlike people…
 * ROLL INITIATIVE.
 * Cornerio knocks the elf back onto the ground and smacks him hard in the shoulder. One of the wererats ducks into the wagon, one goes after Brian in the tent, who runs away. Cornerio tells the elf to call them off, he says he works for them. Cornerio rolls a natural 1 jumping down from the cliff and he loses the hammer. Brian runs further away, the wererat tells Cornerio to leave and he won't have to kill him. He takes out a rapier and misses Corn.
 * Cornerio rolls a 1 again and he tumbles off the cart and sees Brian looking on in horror. "ALL PART OF THE PLAN, BRIAN!" The other wererat flanks him and also misses. Cornerio smacks the first one in the head and with a natural 20 Int check realizes werecreatures are resistant to things that aren't silver. One of the wererats sneak attacks him.
 * Cornerio tumbles away from them and hits Lefty, who hits him with the rapier. They exchange blows again, and Righty manages to roll a 1 trying to jump on Cornerio and hits himself in the face with the hammer, concussing himself. Lefty sees that he's in a bad situation and goes to try to grab food, boxes, coin bags from the cart, Cornerio in hot pursuit. They start running away, and Brian manages to tackle Lefty, making him drop the stuff while he runs away.
 * Cornerio continues running after them and he fucks Lefty up, sees Righty and the elf run off. Lefty turns back into a (still heavily wounded) human.
 * Corn: "Looks like I built a better mouse trap."
 * Ratman: "What, are you some kinda hero?" Corn: "…Some have called me that."
 * He tells Cornerio he's just a bandit who wanted his stuff. Cornerio ties him to a tree and he complains asking why he wouldn't want the gold vs. putting, Cornerio says it's to teach him a lesson.
 * Brian is impressed and gives Cornerio some healing potions.
 * Later… he arrives at Imogen's summer home - a big mansion deep in the woods.
 * Cornerio knocks on the door. No one responds, but the door is open. He opens it and sees a huge statue in front of him of a dragon, a gnome plunging a sword into its head.
 * He sees an elven man in green robes (Phyrrius), who thinks he's not supposed to be here. He is surprised, "the master has been away for some time…" but says he'll get the staff ready for a guest and he can explore the mansion in the meantime--just to leave locked doors locked. time, but… hmm"
 * He goes into the next room and sees a huge painting of a nude, triumphant gnome. He's a little weirded out, then goes into the library. He finds a book entitled "THE TRUTH ABOUT ROLAND LEGARDE" - set apart from the other books on the shelf.
 * As he pulls it, he hears a whirring sound, and sees a book fly off the shelf and whack him in the face. He now notices books swirling around in a cloud above him swooping and diving at him. He puts the book back and they all drop; he stacks them all up and sits on them, then pulls it out again; he falls off as they sweep up around him. 3 divebomb him, so he puts it back again
 * He looks the other books over - there doesn't appear to anything grouping them. He moves the books so they hit a door instead of him when he takes it again, and starts looking over the Roland book. It's an unedited ranting manifesto about how Roland is a fake, his legacy is bullshit, etc. It looks much more well-read than the other books. He puts all the books back.
 * Next he goes into a large room with 2 dining tables, a dais with a throne on it, generic human statues in the back. The throne looks like it's been sat in recently… it feels surprisingly warm. He sits in it--feels pretty comfy. "You feel like a king, although with a small domain… a count, maybe."
 * He walks in on the elf whispering confusedly to the other servants and stops abruptly when Corn comes in. He says he wants a sandwich and the elf looks uncomfortable when Corn asks some questions about the history and keeps talking up the master. Cornerio thinks he's trying to prevent himself from responding to him. He suggests going upstairs to the gallery.
 * Cornerio goes into the room to the other side of the room with the tables. There's a wooden narrow hallway with a bunch of doors, 2 of which are unlocked. The first one's the bathroom.
 * As he goes to open the other door, he hears the sound of fluttering wings. He takes a bite of his sandwich, which kind of sucks. He opens the door and realizes it was skittering: there are 2 mounds of rats in the room. They suddenly stop chittering and look at him; he puts the sandwich down, and the rat swarms pile on top of it to eat it. It looks like it's a servants' room with aprons, etc.
 * The next room looks like a servants' storage room. He finds 13cp and half of a very poorly spelled love note. He leaves a gold piece behind and goes to the other door.
 * This is a carpeted room with a set of stairs going up; he sees a bunch of bats that are hanging above the stairwell on the second floor. Without going up, he finds another room with a desk where there are reams of paper - with tons of research notes about tracking Roland.
 * Cornerio goes back to the library; the other door there is locked. He goes up the stairs there to the second level of the library. He looks at the books and notices a ghostly white dog. It turns to him, pants and wags its tail, then goes through a door. He follows.
 * It opens into a living room with lots of antique furniture. There's a huge statue here that looks like a suit of armor. The ghost dog circles around the chairs and the tables then disappears through the door at the far end.
 * Cornerio goes to follow, but suddenly the statue begins to move and come to life. It moves toward him and takes a slow swing at him. He rolls underneath it and heads to the door the dog went through. He finds a long hallway with the ghost dog in it, which play-bows at him and runs into a room. The golem slowly returns to where it was.
 * This room has a large bath with a floor-length mirror. The dog woofs and jumps into the mirror. He goes to touch it and as he does, the hand across from him is wearing a black ring on both its ring fingers… "And now give me a reflex save."
 * He tumbles backwards as a blast of force comes out of the mirror… and Mirror Cornerio steps through the mirror. He looks exactly like Cornerio except for the rings, and he doesn't have a hammer.
 * FIGHT! MC tries to hit C and fails. C swings at him and misses, moving him a bit away from the mirror. MC punches C in the face a few times. C whacks him and he feels a weird surge of magical energy on his body, and takes some damage himself. MC hits him hard again.
 * Cornerio rolls a natural 1 and hits once before throwing his hammer across the room. MC falls prone in front of him. Cornerio takes a healing potion and smacks him hard, across the room, and he slumps, disappearing. The rings clatter to the ground.
 * The dog's head is poking out the window and it says in a husky-esque voice: "You aren't who you said you are!" It snarls at him when he objects and disappears through the mirror.
 * He picks up the rings: The Fists of the Master, and retrieves his hammer.
 * Cornerio touches the mirror and pokes with his hammer, and it doesn't do anything.
 * The rest of the doors in that hallway are locked, so he goes back to where the statue was.
 * There's a staircase there going down. The suit of armor doesn't appear to react when he moves past it. He hears a whisper of "Roland" being repeated, with "your time has come".
 * He goes down the stairs and the whispering gets louder. He goes up to the doors that were behind the throne area… they're locked now. He cuts around, and sees that the statues have been replaced with 2 half-orc sized skeletons.
 * "Roland… do you recognize your friends, Roland?" A voice implies they were Roland's 2 companions, who aim crossbows at him. "You threw them away Roland, just like you threw ME away!" Cornerio has no idea who the voice is.
 * The skeletons shoot at him and miss. Cornerio whacks one and destroys it, and it turns into blueish dust. He then crits on the other one and knocks its head into its ribcage.
 * The voice says "ROLAND! That is how you treat those closest to you, is it?" It says he threw them away the moment his fame eclipsed their usefulness. Cornerio says he has a chip on his shoulder.
 * Corn mentions slaying a dragon and the voice says something about his oldest friend, waits expectantly until Cornerio says he doesn't know his name. It is enraged and pulls him telekinetically through the door into the entry room…
 * He sees what is obviously a vampire at the top of the stairs. "FINBARR! MY NAME IS FINBARR." "Okay." "I WAS YOUR BEST FRIEND ROLAND!" "You're not doing a good job of it." "AND YOU DIDN’T DO A VERY GOOD JOB WHEN YOU LEFT ME TO DIE!"
 * He says he has been plotting his revenge for decades to lure Roland here and is incredibly pissed that Roland isn't reacting.
 * He starts casting something and a skeletal dragon appears above the statue. "WELL ROLAND, ISN'T THIS POETIC? THE FRIEND YOU LEFT TO DIE AND THE CREATURE YOU LEFT ME TO DIE TO WILL BE THE LAST THING YOU SEE!"
 * He mentions that they were childhood friends. Cornerio keeps calmly antagonizing him and says he isn't making a very good case.
 * He seems very frustrated and disappointed and then starts casting again and the fight begins.
 * Corn runs up the stairs to attack the vampire and the dragon misses him as he moves away. He doesn't land a hit. The dragon claws him and he's pretty low on health.
 * Finbarr laughs and says he wants to watch this, and poofs onto the other side of the statue. Cornerio runs after him and hits him; the frost effect doesn't seem to affect him. He poofs away again, and the ghostly dragon attacks Cornerio again but misses. Cornerio takes his potion of Bull's Strength.
 * Cornerio moves such that the dragon manages to get its wing stuck on the statue. Finbarr claps and says "Just like the old days!" and throws a vial at him. It's a healing potion, which Corn drinks.
 * Cornerio whacks Finbarr and doesn't hit. He poofs onto the other side of the room again. The dragon can't hit him well from this angle while he's up on the stairs. Cornerio jumps down swinging the hammer and misses. The dragon swipes at him and hits him with claws and tail. He and the dragon exchange blows, but it rolls a 1 and he knocks its head clean off.
 * Finbarr tries to taunt him and starts casting a spell. Cornerio hits him hard and the flesh starts regenerating, and he poofs again onto the top of the stairs. The dragon manages to hit Cornerio.
 * Cornerio runs to the kitchen to get garlic and slams the door into the elf who was listening at the door. They throw him a stick of garlic bulbs and he runs back and destroys the dragon.
 * Finbarr is smiling at him at the top of the stairs, but Corn can tell his confidence is a bit shaken. "Just as easy as last time, and just did it all by myself!" "NO, FIRST OF ALL, THERE WERE 5 OF US, AND--ARGH!"
 * Cornerio approaches him with the garlic, and he backs up the stairs, shielding his face. "That won't kill me, it just smells awful, and vampires can't die from being killed that way!"
 * "Yes, that's a good point…" Cornerio backs him into a corner. "Now--Roland--look, I spent a lot of time setting this up!" He's confused when Cornerio takes out the silver scroll case and drives into his chest! "OW, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" There's a big bruise but it didn't penetrate his heart.
 * "What the hell Roland, is that the fake invitation I sent you?!" "I thought I had to stake you with silver--" "A WOODEN STAKE. Wait, do you think I'm a werewolf?! You fucking--I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GOT FAMOUS!"
 * Cornerio makes a stake out of a table leg. They're at a standoff; Cornerio says he broke the mirror and apparently it was very expensive to set up the house for this trap. "You've ruined my life and now you're ruining my unlife!"
 * Corn approaches him with the stake and Finbarr shoots a beam at him, he fails his Fort save and feels completely exhausted. He doesn't manage to stake him in the chest. "Roland, I never wanted to kill you, I just wanted to teach you a lesson." Cornerio disagrees.
 * Finbarr grabs Cornerio and he tries to level drain him; "DO IT!" Cornerio stabs him and he doesn't try to dodge it; but Cornerio only gets it 3/4 of the way through. Finbarr poofs into gas form, and it appears to seep out of the windows in different clouds.
 * Cornerio opens up a window and sees Finbarr re-congealing, wounded, on the stairs below. Cornerio leaps out onto him but they end up rolling. He manages to resist the next vampiric touch and rolls on top, trying to stake him again and he manages to stab Finbarr in the lung.
 * "Just tell me why you left me to die." "What would you want to hear?" "That it was a mistake! That you were frightened! Tell me it was a mistake, Roland." "Uh, sure." "Is that as good as this is gonna get?" "Yes." He opens his chest and Cornerio stabs him.
 * As he dies, Cornerio says, "I'm not actually Roland." "Wait, whaaa…" and he's turned to ash.
 * The staff inside are staring at him in complete shock. The elf says, "Who… who are you?" He also doesn't recognize the other servants. "Is this your house?" With far too little hesitation: "Yes. You're my servants."
 * Apparently the "servants" other than Phyrrius (who does work for Imogen) are just kidnapped laborers who were under his vampiric influence.
 * Cornerio manages to convince them that he didn't kidnap them, but they don't believe the rest of it. He brings up representing Mogen in an upcoming suit…
 * There are apparently some bracers of armor +1 and 310 GP on Finbarr's corpse.
 * They clap him on the back and offer him another turkey sandwich.